In coaching you hear a lot about living from your values.
It can get a little intense, at times I’ve experienced stress because I wondered if I was actually living according to my values. If you aren’t sure what they are there are many ways of determining values, but one of the simplest ways is to ask yourself some questions. What means the most to me in life? What am I willing to die for? What makes me blissfully happy, consistently? What do I celebrate in my life?
My top values are freedom, curiosity, and well-being. Freedom is my big one and also the one I struggle with the most. It’s the one that keeps me strong enough to say ‘No” when I need to. It’s the one that fuels my passion for trips and days off when I don’t have plans or have to be anywhere and the day is mine. Freedom means that I don’t feel trapped in relationships and that my friendships offer me a lot of space, but still a lot of love. Freedom also means that I don’t ever attempt to make anyone else feel trapped by being needy. Freedom also means that I do what I want to do and try not to live for anyone else. I try to be as independent as possible.
Curiosity is what makes me try everything and want to say yes to anything new (unless it’s sushi!). Some people say I’m adventurous, thought I don’t see myself that way. My Mom says that I do everything that I want to and always finish it, and I still am not sure about her interpretation, but I believe it’s real for her when she looks at me and my life. Curiosity is what drove me to start working with horses, to graduate, and to finish one coaching program and then start a second, much harder one. Curiosity is what made me get on a horse bareback even though I was shaking and scared. It’s what made me get past my fear of public speaking. It’s my bravery. If I wonder about something, I do it, even if it scares me.
Well-being is my stop button. It’s what makes me realize that I need a day off, a night at home in bed with a movie, a long hug, or a better diet. Well-being is also the part of me that wakes me up when I’m doing something wrong, heading down the wrong path, or feeling bad about something in my life. It’s what makes me stand up and decide what’s best for me, and then take action. It’s the part of me that makes me mediate, create space in my life to relax, and keep up with doctor’s appointments. It’s what makes sure I have my medication for asthma and that I make sure to eat so I have stable moods.
People are rarely in touch with their Away Values, and these are discussed much less than your regular values. However, they are still just as important as the other values, because these values will guide your behavior in the sense that you will do almost anything to avoid dealing with them. These are your shadow values and relate to the parts of yourself that you generally do not reveal to others.
My number one Away Value is guilt. When guilt shows up in my life I know I am doing something seriously wrong and it’s time to make changes. Sometimes I make the changes gradually and sometimes I make them all at once, but a feeling of guilt is always an indicator for me that something is wrong and that I’m not living in integrity.
My next Away Value is the one I struggle with the most, and it’s poverty. I have been blessed my whole life to have everything that I’ve ever needed when I needed it, but I am also a person who panics easily about money issues. I’ve worked on this since my twenties, and am finally now coming to a place of acceptance about where I am for now and a definite direction for where I would like to be. When I feel myself getting scared about anything money related I stop and focus on other things and try to realize that the feeling of panic isn’t really the truth and is a product of my upbringing. In those terms I can usually calm down and proceed. Reading books about money and budgeting also help. Sometimes information is all you need in order to change your mindset about a certain topic, and I always encourage reading books about what scares you or causes conflict in your life.
Consider the feelings that you will do anything to avoid. Imagine standing up for yourself and your beliefs consistently and how your life might change as a result. When you do make new choices for yourself, ask yourself which of your values you’re working with by making this decision. And then take heart knowing you did what was right for you.
It can get a little intense, at times I’ve experienced stress because I wondered if I was actually living according to my values. If you aren’t sure what they are there are many ways of determining values, but one of the simplest ways is to ask yourself some questions. What means the most to me in life? What am I willing to die for? What makes me blissfully happy, consistently? What do I celebrate in my life?
My top values are freedom, curiosity, and well-being. Freedom is my big one and also the one I struggle with the most. It’s the one that keeps me strong enough to say ‘No” when I need to. It’s the one that fuels my passion for trips and days off when I don’t have plans or have to be anywhere and the day is mine. Freedom means that I don’t feel trapped in relationships and that my friendships offer me a lot of space, but still a lot of love. Freedom also means that I don’t ever attempt to make anyone else feel trapped by being needy. Freedom also means that I do what I want to do and try not to live for anyone else. I try to be as independent as possible.
Curiosity is what makes me try everything and want to say yes to anything new (unless it’s sushi!). Some people say I’m adventurous, thought I don’t see myself that way. My Mom says that I do everything that I want to and always finish it, and I still am not sure about her interpretation, but I believe it’s real for her when she looks at me and my life. Curiosity is what drove me to start working with horses, to graduate, and to finish one coaching program and then start a second, much harder one. Curiosity is what made me get on a horse bareback even though I was shaking and scared. It’s what made me get past my fear of public speaking. It’s my bravery. If I wonder about something, I do it, even if it scares me.
Well-being is my stop button. It’s what makes me realize that I need a day off, a night at home in bed with a movie, a long hug, or a better diet. Well-being is also the part of me that wakes me up when I’m doing something wrong, heading down the wrong path, or feeling bad about something in my life. It’s what makes me stand up and decide what’s best for me, and then take action. It’s the part of me that makes me mediate, create space in my life to relax, and keep up with doctor’s appointments. It’s what makes sure I have my medication for asthma and that I make sure to eat so I have stable moods.
People are rarely in touch with their Away Values, and these are discussed much less than your regular values. However, they are still just as important as the other values, because these values will guide your behavior in the sense that you will do almost anything to avoid dealing with them. These are your shadow values and relate to the parts of yourself that you generally do not reveal to others.
My number one Away Value is guilt. When guilt shows up in my life I know I am doing something seriously wrong and it’s time to make changes. Sometimes I make the changes gradually and sometimes I make them all at once, but a feeling of guilt is always an indicator for me that something is wrong and that I’m not living in integrity.
My next Away Value is the one I struggle with the most, and it’s poverty. I have been blessed my whole life to have everything that I’ve ever needed when I needed it, but I am also a person who panics easily about money issues. I’ve worked on this since my twenties, and am finally now coming to a place of acceptance about where I am for now and a definite direction for where I would like to be. When I feel myself getting scared about anything money related I stop and focus on other things and try to realize that the feeling of panic isn’t really the truth and is a product of my upbringing. In those terms I can usually calm down and proceed. Reading books about money and budgeting also help. Sometimes information is all you need in order to change your mindset about a certain topic, and I always encourage reading books about what scares you or causes conflict in your life.
Consider the feelings that you will do anything to avoid. Imagine standing up for yourself and your beliefs consistently and how your life might change as a result. When you do make new choices for yourself, ask yourself which of your values you’re working with by making this decision. And then take heart knowing you did what was right for you.